It’s not yet midnight, so I won’t announce a winner yet for the best one-sentence summary. I can see one that stands out above the rest, but I won’t tell you who until tomorrow. There are a LOT of very interesting summaries here! I think I’ll critique a number of them over the next few days.
In the meantime, it’s appropriate to congratulate Mary DeMuth (RelevantGirl), whose first novel WATCHING THE TREE LIMBS was named a finalist today for a Christy award in the “First Novel” category. The Christy awards are the “Oscars of Christian fiction” and they have become extremely difficult to win in recent years. Attagirl, RelevantGirl!
To honor Mary, I’m going to critique her one-sentence summary, which has some problems:
Anguished by guilt, 12-year-old Jed tries to right the wrong of refusing to walk Daisy home, by investigating the mystery when she’s gone missing.
Randy sez: The king once said to Mozart, “Too many notes!” With some trepidation, I’ll echo that here: “Too many words!”
The hard part is doing justice to this story in just a few words. I’ve read the first 40 pages, and I think I’m starting to understand the story. I think the first three words, “Anguished by guilt”, are too focused on Jed’s inner conflict. I know that inner conflict is critical to the story, but first things first! A one-sentence summary needs to first summarize the external conflict and then add in internal conflict if there’s room. In Mary’s version, there is no hint that Jed is a horribly abused kid. I may be wrong, but I think that’s important to say, because it gives us immediate sympathy for the character. Here is my best shot at it:
An abused Texas boy takes refuge in a search for his missing best friend Daisy.
Normally, I don’t use names in a one-sentence summary. So I replaced “Jed” by “Texas boy” (I think this story is set in Texas) because I wanted to capture some element of the place. Notice that I broke my rule and used the name “Daisy” here. The reason is simple. I want to make it clear she’s a girl (that puts some romantic puppy-love tension into the sentence). But it’s a little hard to capture the relationship between Jed and Daisy in a few words. She’s 10 and he’s 12, so she’s not exactly a girl-friend. But just calling her “best friend” wouldn’t work.
Mary’s version was 26 words. Mine was 15. I bet one could do better, but that’s the best I can do in 15 minutes of trying. Who wants to improve on it?
Congratulations, Mary!
Watching the Tree Limbs is on my all time favourite novel list.
It well deserves the Christy Finalist status.
Atta girl, Mary.
Congrats, Mary!
Congrats, Mary!
Here’s my try:
After making his friend walk home alone, an abused boy undertakes a frenzied search for her.
Congratulations,Mary!
I’ll look for your book. I like the title. May it go all the way.
It’s always great when “one of us” makes a breakthrough.
I love your rework, Randy. Thanks so much. And thanks for the congrats. I’m still floating on the clouds….lalalalalalallala!
Thanks, all, for your congrats.
What great news, Mary. Congratualtions from your ACFW friend.
My try:
An anguished and abused Texas boy searches for his missing friend Daisy.
What great news, Mary! Congratulations!
My try:
An anguished and abused Texas boy searches for his missing friend Daisy.
Congratulations, Mary. I’ll be looking for the Tree Limbs.
Congrats, Mary!
Three cheers for Mary!
Another go at the summary sentence:
An abused boy undertakes a frenzied search for his best friend Daisy, whose abduction he could have easily averted…
Congrats! Great job!
Here’s my try:
“After refusing to walk her home, a young boy joins in the search to find his best friend when she later turns up missing.”
Mary, what a terrific honor! I’ll be sure to read your book.
Here’s my poem to help save the poor defenseless cliche.
Kill-Joy
My heart it leapt for joy,
For some it might annoy,
Like heart of stone,
Or Dry as bone,
Kill-ing time,
Punch-ing clocks,
But destroy?
There’s only so many ways to say some things. Too much grasping is worse than cliche. What may be old to us is always new to the coming generations. And further to this, just use logic…
Really, for some things that need to be said, the long winding road isn’t necessarily the best choice.
I am one who loves the lengthiness of Dickens, but I also understand that sometimes brevity is what’s called for and cliche’s sometimes say it best.
If I wanted to express the notion of killing time, I wouldn’t necessarily be only wasting time because to kill it is an active process, and wasting seems more passive. And some characters might chose to waste; others to kill, and still others chose to take it–just gently.
Using cliche’s: another good example of knowing when to break the rules.
Blessings,
Joleena
Whoopseys
Chose instead of Choose?
Cliche’s instead of cliches?
I think my editor went out for coffee, and then came back and hit submit.
Coffee is supposed to help?
Blessings,
Joleena
Yay Mary!!!!!! We’re floating with you!
And nice change, Randy. I won’t even attempt to improve upon it. You clarified the summary beautifully.