How do you write in the point of view of a small child in a novel for adults?
Derrick posted this question on my “Ask A Question For My Blog” page:
I’m working on a story that begins with a five-year-old girl lost in the woods, and I’m trying to use third person limited POV. People I’ve shown this to (critique partners and such) have commented that the language I use in these scenes is “too advanced” for such a young girl.
For example, if she’s walking through the forest past the magnificent trees, but her vocabulary wouldn’t include “magnificent,” am I stuck using a simpler set of words for her POV? Or can I use my words for describing the environment, and her words for interior monologue and emotion?
How can I keep the scene with my very young character from sounding like a Dr. Suess book?
(PS, she doesn’t stay 5 forever — that would be a tough book to write.)
Randy sez: This is tough. Your goal as a novelist is to give your reader the illusion that she is your point-of-view character.
You have one advantage here: Every adult on the planet was once five years old. So your reader can well identify with that stage in life.
The problem, as you say, is to avoid giving it a Dr. Seuss feel. This is similar to the problem writers always have when writing dialect. If you’ve ever struggled through UNCLE TOM’S CABIN, you know how hard it is to read excessively realistic dialect.
The usual solution when writing dialect is to be realistic on the grammatical patterns but to use correct spellings for all words. So you get the flavor right, even if it’s not precisely accurate. Feelings here are more important than literal accuracy.
There are a couple of novels you ought to read, because they are best-selling novels by major authors and they feature young children. Here they are:
THE CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR, by Jean Auel. An orphaned four year old girl in Ice Age Europe is adopted by a clan of Neanderthals.
ENDER’S GAME, by Orson Scott Card. A six year old boy is taken to an orbiting Battle School to be trained to save mankind from the coming invasion of alien “Buggers.”
Read them both and see how each of these authors did it.
Jean Auel wrote her story in omniscient voice, which let her use adult language to tell the story and to occasionally shift into the child’s mind when necessary.
Orson Scott Card used a character with an extremely high IQ. Even so, when inside Ender’s head, he used simple words and simple sentence patterns. You don’t need big words to tell big ideas.
Either of these ways works, Derrick. Take your pick.
But first things first. Read both of these books. Get a feel for the rhythms these authors use.
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Another option would be to write the scene from the POV of the adult remembering what happened when she was five. That would be akin to how Harper Lee wrote “To Kill A Mockingbird.” Advantage: grown-up vocabulary. Disadvantage: you lose immediacy.
Sorry if I’m stating the obvious, but what about thinking back to a few childhood memories and reliving how you felt then?
The word “magnificent” does seem off to me, but it’s not because it’s a big word. For five-year-olds, the whole world is new. Everything is magnificent to them, so they don’t have that concept the same way adults do.
Room: A Novel, by Emma Donoghue, is an excellent novel, written in the voice of a 5 year old. Here is the amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/Room-A-Novel-ebook/dp/B003YFIUW8/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1336341243&sr=1-1
I agree as mentioned above {1} Writing in child-speak language conveys the right emotion and makes the character believable and [2] reading those two books will help your understanding your own narration. Good luck.
Be aware that adult readers often live in adult worlds and have forgotten how a five year speaks and thinks.
A five-year-old once told me that he did not have the “manual dexterity” to use his dad’s professional SLR camera.
If children have been around adults who speak to them as if they were adults, they may use adult language. but they may not understand adult concepts.
This child was very bright and did know that his hands weren’t quite up to a big, heavy (film) camera, but he took some interesting pictures with a small point and shoot.
“Magnificent” is not too large a word for a 5-year old.
As I understand things from articles I’ve read … wouldn’t the right question to ask be, not of a world being too simplistic, but: What would be the right words for that character? That also got me thinking that for a five year old pretty is a big and advanced word … to them it means everything from shiny coins to a singing voice that makes them bubble over with joy.
Sorry, I tend to go on some times. I’m trying to find good examples of inner monalogue as my main character is stuck thinking thoughts that start with “Why” too often, I stumbled in here.