The original version of the winning one-sentence summary by Chris was as follows:
A retired Marine travels to Iraq to begin his own private war against the foreign terrorists that murdered his daughter.
I made minor revisions to this as follows:
A retired Marine launches his own private war in Iraq against the terrorists who murdered his daughter.
Mary pointed out that the word “terrorists” carries more emotive punch than “Iraq” so it would make sense to switch the order and say “against the terrorists in Iraq”.
This is a good point, and I’m almost persuaded, but not quite. What we have here is a sentence with rising emotive force, with the most punch at the end with the phrase “murdered his daughter.”
I think it makes sense in this case to leave the order as I wrote it, so that we go from “Iraq” to “terrorists” to “murder” to “daughter” in a rising crescendo. A sentence like this would be enough to get some serious attention at a writing conference, if given to the right sort of editor. (Editors looking for the next “Pride And Prejudice in Palooka” are not the right sort of editor for this story. Editors looking for the next “Die Hard” or “Rambo” are gonna eat this kind of thing up.) Of course, it would need to be accompanied by three strong sample chapters.
The analogy to haiku is quite apt. It’s very hard to write a one-sentence summary, but it’s really worthwhile.
One comment today asked if it’s possible to write a one-sentence summary about a story that’s told in first person POV. The answer is yes. Do the one-sentence summary in third person. Then write the sample chapters in first person.
I would love to critique another one-sentence summary tonight, but I’ve got a cameraman coming to the house tomorrow to shoot some video for possible inclusion in a documentary. I need to get ready for that. More details later.
And that, folks, is called a hook. Drop a snippet of enticing information and exit, leaving the readers waiting for more. The Mad Professor of Fiction Writing strikes again. 🙂
Man, I’m learning such a lot from you guys. Thanks, Randy, and thanks to everyone who gives their two cents’ worth. You are a blessing to any newbie like me.
Thanks for pointing out the rising emotive force. I didn’t even consider that, but was thinking of what would grab attention and keep the editor reading. Yours even has better rhythm.
Re: Writer’s Block
Just wanted to pass along to everyone some words of wisdom I read:
Keep writing even if you feel you are totally empty and writing junk. You can always edit junk, but you can’t edit a blank page.
Again, thanks to Randy for his generosity and to everyone for their input.
Blessings,
Joleena
There is nothing so wonderful as having a 3-hour brainstorming session with one’s daughter as a mother’s day outing in the park–and we came up with wonderful ideas for the next novel.
Talk, write, talk, write, write, write.
I have a question going back to the MRUs. I’ve taken the first chapter of my wic and tried to sort out the scenes vs. sequels and then look at the MRUs. I’m writing a middle grades novel, so it’s slightly less complicated than an adult novel might be. Here’s my problem. My first chapter is 6 pages, about 1600 words. In trying to find the Scene/Sequel pattern, I come up with about 6 scenes. That seems like a lot for such a short span. So maybe I’m trying to make each MRU into a scene. In that case, maybe the whole chapter is just one scene, except that the grouping of characters and location does change three times. Anyone have any thoughts or is this just to vague to be a feasible question?
I would think that changing location would definitely constitute a new scene
Thank you Joleen! I’ve been a bit out of words these last few days, and that quote helps.
I loved the winning sentence. Congrats, Chris!!
Oops. I meant Joleena. Sorry about that.