Carrie kind of cheated, by posting a one-sentence summary today, which is about four days after the deadline. But it was excellent! Should I reward her tardiness by saying how much I like it? Yeah, I think I’ll do that, because she’s way too late to be eligible for the prize, which I already handed out.
A forensic artist stumbles upon the killing grounds of a vengeful serial killer.
Randy sez: Hey, this is really good! I like it. Let’s see why this is so good:
1) Forensic artist–this is good. It tells us quickly that we’ve got an interesting character.
2) Killing grounds–a cliche, but a good cliche. And stumbling on it tells us this artist is gonna be in jeopardy. Very good! The one thing I’d say is make it “stumbles on” rather than “stumbles upon.” I have no idea which is more grammatically correct, but mine sounds less pedantic.
3) Serial killer–yes, yes, yes! That hits all the right hot buttons. I’d say to lose the adjective “vengeful.” Personally, if I’m up against a serial killer, I really don’t care if he’s vengeful or not, because the guy is bad news. Drop the dead weight word.
So my suggestion:
A forensic artist stumbles on the killing grounds of a serial killer.
I like it! I’d buy this book!
How do you know which cliches are good?
I like “stumbles upon” better. “Stumbles on” makes it sound like she might hire a personal injury attorney. Or she could use a different word like “finds” or “discovers.”
Since one-liners are for the purpose of hooking an editor (as well as clarifying in our own minds the direction of the book), I’d guess that a cliche that instantly presents an understandable picture is acceptable. We wouldn’t want an editor distracted by trying to figure out a beautiful, but perhaps too subtle, phrase.
Troll, I was reacting to the “upon-on” question just as you did, but your quick wit at 6:00 am is great (should I say eye-opening). Stumbling on is something on the ground. Stumbling upon might be peering through the bushes. Upon can be stilted if used in the wrong way, but seems right here.
Oh, my, Randy, I’m sorry for my faux pas. But you liked it! You really, really liked it! Whoohoooo-I feel like I just won the lottery!
Thank you!
Um, I don’t suppose you’d like to finish the story for me now…..no? Um, just a thought….
Randy- so far, these novels sound very plot-driven. What if you are writing a more idea-based novel? Should the one-sentence summary still strive to encompass the major plot point? For instance, my novel is about a single mother and her sixteen year-old daughter, and the influence a wealthy family exerts over the daughter’s values toward money and sex. Nothing so spectacular as a serial killer. Should I still strive for a plot-driven sentence?
Thank you, Randy, for not thumping me on the head with a thimble for being late!
Sarah, the book is not plot driven, but character driven. I just want folks to pick up the book and buy it.
Wait! The book is commercial-fiction driven….
-C
I agree with you guys – the “stumbled on” sounds like she tripped and fell into the dead body.
I agree with you guys – the “stumbled on” sounds like she tripped and fell into the dead body.
Randy, please open another one-liner opportunity soon. I missed the deadline and didn’t submit because…I’d missed the deadline. Maybe I should take more risks with my writing, eh?
I’d like to see your reply to Sarah Stockton’s plot- vs character-driven one-liners. Does it have to sound like an action story even if it isn’t? Do you need to focus on the external elements of the conflict for advertising purposes in the one-liner, even if that’s just a backdrop for a deeper man-vs-self literary theme?
And finally, what’s a forensic artist? The mental image those two words together give me is really macabre!
Hi Randy — Sarah’s question echoes my own thought. All these one-liners sound very action-suspense oriented, which is not my genre. I don’t even like to read that genre, so as soon as you say ‘killer’ ‘detective’ and so forth, I put the book down. The sentence has therefore accomplished its purpose, having clued me in at once that it isn’t what I like.
Here are two samples from recent bestsellers in my genre:
“When an infected bolt of cloth carries plague from London to an isolated mountain village, a housemaid named Anna Frith emerges as an unlikely heroine and healer.” (Year of Wonders, Geraldine Brooks)
Or this one, from the Queen’s Fool: “A young woman caught in the rivalry between Queen Mary and her half-sister, Elizabeth, must find her true destiny amid treason, poisonous rivalries, loss of faith, and unrequited love.” (lousy research, by the way.)
Or how about this, which made me buy the Thrall’s Tale, and keep on reading hoping it would get better (it didn’t, but at least I learned a lot): “The mesmerizing chronicle of three women whose lives are inextricably bound by fate.” Tho it was really the well-drawn faces and viking-ship cover, and the fact that the writer was an archaeologist, that sold the book.
Any pointers on historical romance? Any input about what makes those voices out in blogland buy a book?
Hey, Bonnie,
I don’t know if folks go back and read these things after the posting day, but I’ll answer the “what’s a forensic artist.”
I’m a forensic artist–so am rather an authority on the subject.
Forensic=anything pertaining to law enforcement or legal proceedings.
I draw:
Suspect faces (composites)
Unknown remains (icky folks)
Facial reconstruction (skulls)-clay or sketch
Crime scene sketches
Demonstrative evidence (trial charts)
Courtroom sketches (when the TV isn’t allowed)
Image modification (hats, glasses, weight gain or loss, hair changes, etc.)
Aging of missing children
…and
I do statement analysis–determining deception by the language used (nouns, pronouns, verbs, etc.)
There now, more than you ever wanted to know about forensic art.
Best wishes,
-C
PS: I’ve worked several serial killer/rapists cases. My research was the easy part for my book…