In yesterday’s blog post, I outlined a strategy for creating the synopsis for your novel. I talked about identifying the “sequences of scenes” and summarizing each sequence in a paragraph.
Let’s look at how this plays out in practice. I’m looking right now at the synopsis that John Olson and I wrote for our novel OXYGEN. I remember writing this very well. We’d been doing research for several months, and most of the proposal was written, but we still needed to pull the synopsis together. And we were working long-distance. Then I had a chance to go up to a conference in San Francisco, just across the Bay from John’s house. So I took some time away from the conference and took BART over to meet with John for several frenetic hours of editing.
Here’s the first paragraph we wrote:
The year is 2014. Valkerie Jansen, a young Christian microbial ecologist, is presented with an amazing opportunity—to continue her research as a well-paid member of the NASA corps of astronauts. Broke, and burdened with enormous medical school loans, she accepts a position on the backup astronaut crew for Ares 10, the first manned mission to Mars.
This summarizes the first 7 scenes in only 3 sentences. The climax of that sequence is Valkerie’s decision to join NASA as an ASCAN–astronaut candidate. Notice that we don’t mention a single character other than our protagonist, Valkerie. You really can’t introduce tons of characters quickly and expect the editor to remember them.
Notice that we’ve already got the editor on Valkerie’s side–she’s broke, but here’s her chance to pay back those med school loans, by joining NASA.
Our next paragraph looks like this:
Valkerie discovers, beneath NASA’s cool and competent exterior, the paranoia and political infighting of a bureaucratic giant fighting for survival. Steven Perez, the new NASA Administrator, seems more concerned with PR than engineering. Nate Harrington, the flight director, is preoccupied with a security investigation. Bob Kaganovski, first engineer of the Ares 10 crew, is paranoid that he’ll be replaced.
This paragraph is a bit of a cheat. We didn’t cover the next sequence of scenes. Instead, we added a wee bit of background that Valkerie learns over the course of the first sequence of scenes. We’ve earned the right to do that with that strong lead-in paragraph, but in order to move ahead, we simply have to put in some background material.
Here, we introduce three new characters and set the stage for the early conflict. Valkerie has got herself into a rat’s nest of a bureaucracy (something we learned by reading a lot of books even before we visited NASA and saw for ourselves). We’ve introduced three characters here, and I’m not sure that was a great idea because of the confusion factor. One thing that worked in our favor here was the rule of three: By piling on three characters, each of whom brings a different dimension to the conflict, we make it clear that Valkerie’s in a boatload of trouble.
Notice that we are telling here, not showing. What makes it work is that each sentence tells the critical thing you need to know about each character in order to understand the conflict.
With the next paragraph, we pick up the action:
Bob asks Valkerie out to dinner, then realizes that she might be his replacement. At dinner, he tries to be polite, but when he learns that she’s a Christian, his patience wears thin, and he starts an argument, hoping he’ll never see her again. Then Tom Rogers, mission commander of the Ares 10, resigns. Kennedy Hampton, the second in command, will lead the team in his stead. Valkerie is promoted to the Ares 10 prime crew.
With this paragraph, we summarize the next several scenes. We start by highlighting the romantic tension–Bob and Valkerie have a mutual attraction, and a mutual repulsion. With that hook set, we continue the main storyline and get to the point–Valkerie is suddenly thrown onto the mission after the surprise resignation of the team leader. She’s going to Mars!
The next paragraph takes another giant leap forward:
Bob is openly hostile toward Valkerie during her training. It’s clear that Tom was forced to step down from the team, and Bob blames her. When security is mysteriously tightened yet again, Bob investigates. He learns that explosives have been stolen from a NASA supply room. Nevertheless, the launch goes ahead as scheduled.
This summarizes another long “sequence of scenes” that climaxes with the launch. We’ve injected a mystery element here. What’s the deal with those missing explosives? Who could possibly breach the tight NASA security?
The next paragraph begins with our first serious mistake in the synopsis. Let me quote only the first sentence, because it was dead wrong:
After a flawless lift-off, the four astronauts settle into a routine for their six-month voyage, but tension runs high.
What’s wrong? It’s that “flawless lift-off.” We’ve spent several paragraphs ratcheting up the tension, and now we give these boys and girls a flawless liftoff? No, no, and no. This is way wrong.
We noticed this when we started writing the first draft, and felt the tension drain out of the story at liftoff. So we fixed it. In the book, there’s pressure from high up to launch, despite windy conditions that are right on the safety margin. Rather than delay the launch, NASA lets it happen and the high winds cause the rocket to graze the tower on the way up. This damages a fin, which causes turbulence, which causes an extremely rough ride through the atmosphere. The ship undergoes severe vibrations before it reaches a parking orbit around the earth.
Should they abort the mission, or punch the button and continue on to Mars? If they abort, then they waste billions of dollars and give NASA a black eye from which it may never recover. And they lose out on going to Mars. But if there’s a problem with the ship, then they might not even reach Mars alive.
See how much stronger that is than our “flawless liftoff?” So if we were writing the synopsis now, we’d write it this way:
High winds on launch day cause an extremely turbulent liftoff. When the ship reaches a parking orbit around earth, the crew races to check out the ship. Can they continue the mission to Mars, or must they abort? The crew debates hard, then decides to risk continuing. They fire the remaining fuel in the engines and now they’re committed to the three-year journey to Mars.
When the book came out in 2001, there was some discussion by reviewers that our NASA people were making foolish decisions that violated safety procedures. Having studied NASA’s track record up through the 1990s, including its series of poor decisions regarding the Russian Mir space station, we thought our scenario was quite possible. Tragically, (and to our sorrow), we were right. Less than 2 years after our book was published, the Space Shuttle Columbia blew up on re-entry, killing all seven astronauts aboard–after an accident caused by a faulty launch. That same day, a book reviewer wrote this review of OXYGEN, which he finished reading just hours before the Columbia disaster.
I’ve now shown you about half a page of the OXYGEN synopsis. This is roughly a quarter of the synopsis, and it has covered about a quarter of the book.
I hope the procedure for writing the paragraphs of the synopsis is clear. Don’t summarize scenes. Summarize “sequences of scenes,” focusing on the climax of the sequence.
OK, now it’s your turn folks! Go ahead and ask some questions, make your comments, and if you like, post the first three paragraphs of your synopsis and I’ll critique a few of them.
I really appreciate your use of examples from well known stories like Gone with The Wind to explain snowflaking and various kinds of summaries, and the Star Wars or LOTR examples you used in Fic 101.
That really helps, because, having seen these as movies way too many times, I can relate to events I know well, and see how chunks of the story boil down to a summary statement. Some of us are so visual that way.
So, in order to grasp the Sequence of Scenes concept, do you think you could you toss in an example from one of these hi-profile stories? Pirates of the Caribbean and Pride & Prejudice would also work nicely.
Alas, Camille, some of us oldsters are not familiar with Pirates of the Caribbean. Now Pride and Prejudice…
Guess I’ll just have to get more up to date.
I loved Oxygen and have read it three times. I just found out recently you have a sequel … where have I been? HA!
Here is the first three paragraphs of my middle grade fantasy synopsis, Fairyeater:
Fifteen-year-old Akeela lives in the forest outside the village of Broem in the country of Estinia with Krezma, the old hag who rescued her after her mother died in childbirth. Krezma took her into the deep, deep woods because she knows Akeela is no ordinary child. Akeela is destined to be the next fairy guardian.
Fairies are essential to the land. Their magic sows goodness into the ground that not only benefits the ground, it also keeps the ashes of the Dark Lord, Viss’aird, buried and, they believe, harmless. Years ago, a spell gone terribly wrong caused him to disintegrate. When his ashes were scattered from the witch’s tower, they settled into the ground. There they have been growing and recreating him into a potential power of evil so large, it would consume the entire world.
And now, an evil plan is unfolding to release the powerful Dark Lord from his slumber. The witch, Tzmet, is capturing and eating fairies in order to diminish their power until Viss’aird (her father) can rise from the ground.
Thanks for taking the time on synopsis writing. It’s SO hard for me, but I know I need to hone this part of the craft.
From my YA novel “Unstuck”
The story begins one sparky fireside night 20 years ago at Camp Blue Sky, a teen summer camp in the Pacific Northwest. A 14-year-old Nick Adamson stands up and gives his first-ever testimony to a rapt crowd of newly-on-fire-for-Christ high schoolers. Nick has just accepted Jesus Christ as Lord. The reason for his conversion? Jesus is a blast! That’s what has been promised to Nick by his ultra-cool camp counselor, The Torque, and it’s what Nick craves—a life larger than he can ever imagine. After all, Jesus has given an amazing life to Torque, the muscle-bound university engineering student who creates canons in his spare time. Why wouldn’t Jesus provide that for Nick, too?
Next to Nick’s side is his best friend, Chad Michael Juniper Van Stantvoordt, AKA Juner, who’s too short yet to live up to his tall name. Juner loves science and mag lites and has been a Christian his whole life. He takes this Jesus thing in stride, and perhaps Juner overmuch likes all the hugs that girls give him on the last night of camp.
While giving his testimony, Nick can’t help glancing across the fireside area at Shipper Ryun, an acquaintance from school. She’s got hair, eyes, creamy skin—who wouldn’t want to date her? Shipper has previously ignored Nick, even spurned him, but after fireside, Shipper is suddenly all smiles.
Despite Juner’s dire predictions about high school starting in 14 days and “you know what happens to freshmen like us,” Nick can hardly wait for school to start so the benefits of his new-found Christian life and all its amazing promises can begin. He slugs Juner all-friendly-like in the arm: “Relax willya, Jesus wouldn’t let anything go wrong, would He?”
Hi Pam,
Randy may have a better response to this, but when I read your first paragraph I heard the voices of my four best reviewer/editors of my current work-in-progress: “MLE, you’re going to lose them on the weird names and terminology.” At first I protested. “But the language is Quechua! I can’t call them Bob and Diane!”
But when the fourth person, God Bless them, said the same thing, I made it a major mental effort to figure an alternative. No point in writing what the target audience won’t read, just hoping that because it’s all about llamas and it’s for the llama market that most people are going to gag down the foreign-ness. Some will. But I’ve lost everyone who won’t.
And I sure wouldn’t hit a tired editor with all those odd-sounding names in the first paragraph.
I solved it with nicknames, and a mention of the real names sprinkled in. This was a brainsotrm, because the nicknames were funny and served to illustrate some aspect of the character. Middle-grades can relate to that.
The odd names were a real trap for me because I got to know them so well that I couldn’t see they were a story problem, to me they were part of the appeal. And when your characters are known and loved by the reader, they will be. But those strange names may keep the book from ever getting there.
I wish I could participate in this part but I’m not this far yet. Just finished my one-paragraph summary and working my way up. I want to make sure and do it right. I definately need to write all this down so that when I’m to this point, I won’t be struggling so much.
Like Donna, I’m not there yet. I’m still finishing and editing – haven’t made it to the synopsis writing yet. However, you’ve made it seem a lot simpler than I originally thought, by your wonderful examples. Now, instead of just blindly writing something, I’ll have some kind of formula to follow.
Like Donna, I’m not there yet. I’m still finishing and editing – haven’t made it to the synopsis writing yet. However, you’ve made it seem a lot simpler than I originally thought, by your wonderful examples. Now, instead of just blindly writing something, I’ll have some kind of formula to follow.
What about if you have two plotlines? They occassionaly come together but are mostly seperate. Do you do the synopsis for one line until they merge, then do a “Meanwhile, back at the ranch, …” or do one until THE END then do the second, or do one and not mention the other at all? Something else entirely?
Here’s my beginning attempt:
Ari Poorman, eighteen, walks home after babysitting on an autumn Friday night, bemoaning her sorry state of affairs. She encounters Ryan and Mick, two guys who never showed any interest in her during high school. The guys get Ari to go with them to “have some fun.” When they attempt rape, she escapes and runs home, losing her house key in Ryan’s car.
The next week, Ryan and Mick sneak into the Poormans’ house. Ari, home alone and ill with a cold, confronts them. They’re interrupted by the police, who have come to investigate a neighbor’s report.
After much effort, Ari gets a full-time job at Chinn’s Cuisine. She gets to know her fellow employees: waitresses Yu Chinn, the owner’s homeschooled teen daughter, and April, who disappears after threatening to get an abortion in order to keep her boyfriend; and busboy Mark Smucker, a friendly young man Ari would like to have as more than just a friend.
Thanks, MLE, for your imput. I’m interested to see if Randy agrees.
As an avid reader of fantasy, I’m not thrown in the least with strange names, even when I start a new book. A fantasy editor should not be thrown either. Nor should fantasy readers. In fact, we expect strange people/place names.
Am I totally wrong about this?
First part of synopsis for my WWII era novel.
*****
The year is 1946. Laurie Jefferson, five months married and four months pregnant, huddles beside her mother’s grave, trying not to cry as she stares at the white band of skin across her empty left ring finger. She tries very hard not to be angry with her young
veteran husband, Al. It is really her mother-in-law who is responsible, who demanded collateral for the $100 loan Al needed to buy a used car. The only thing of value they had was Laurie’s diamond ring handed down through generations of women in her mother’s family—the ring Laurie gladly offered to wear as a wedding ring to save the expense of another ring. Laurie can’t understand why Al didn’t fight harder to prevent his mother from taking the cherished heirloom?
Al’s 13-year-old cousin, Phoebe, dances around the graves waving her hands, taunts Laurie, claiming the diamond ring she’s wearing—Laurie’s ring—is a gift from Al’s mother for eighth grade graduation. Laurie can’t keep the acidic bubble of betrayal from bursting. Running from the cemetery, instead of going to the Jefferson home where she and Al have lived, she heads for the cabin on the lake that Dr. Jefferson has promised to remodel for their use when the weather is warm enough.
*****
I’m experimenting with this new beginning of story which actually occurs six chapters into the WIP.
This event is the crisis that starts the journey of
the ring through several owners, but there is quite a bit of backstory through some events leading up to advent of WWII. I know there are differing opinions about flashbacks, but I feel I need them to tell the pre-events of each character who eventually receives the ring.
Any recommendations on how to handle this? Thank you.
This is a great exercise.
Pam, you could be right. I am not much of a fantasy reader, other than LOTR and similar classics– and the strange names are one reason I’m not, although I don’t mind learning new terms in real languages. But I wonder if there are ‘fantasy editors’ at the novel level? My guess is that there are just editors, and if the one scanning your stuff happens to read fantasy, good for you. But check out Randy’s example, he only put one character in the opening, it is more than just whether the names are unfamiliar.
Sure, I’ll take a stab. How bad could it be? Couldn’t be any worse than being fed to the sharks, right? :o)
First four paragraphs (since the first paragraph is one line) of “Mark of the Vine,” a YA science-fiction novel:
47 days and 16 hours–how much trouble could one subhuman Dohgah get into in such a short period?
But Cora Remain knows that as a Dohgah bound by endless rules, she could cross the law all too easily. One mistake and her substantial inheritance would transfer to Johari, her superior-designed Kilim sister.
But vigilance isn’t enough. Johari provokes Cora into assaulting a Kilim, the worst crime a Dohgah could commit, and then offers to testify on her behalf…if Cora will sign her inheritance over to her.
At the risk of a trial, the loss of her inheritance, and possible banishment, Cora rejects Johari’s proposal and seeks aide from her tutor, Trex Troble. He recommends a third course of action and the most dangerous of all: disguise herself as a Kilim and enter a competition for a leading politician’s aide. Such action would break every possible Dohgah law, and if she’s unmasked, banishment or worse is guaranteed. But if she wins the position, she could gain political immunity long enough to find asylum on a different planet.
Historical women’s fiction, Do Not Fear Tomorrow
—
Not yet seventeen, Abby Johnson’s world is shattered only eight months after coming to her husband’s Wyoming homestead as a new bride in 1870. A senseless accident takes the life of her unborn baby. Abby and her husband, Sam, grow closer as they share their grief, but her young faith in God is tested when seeds of guilt and fear try to take root in her heart—What could she have done differently? Would she ever have any other children?
With only three families in the small valley, Abby must deal with her two neighbors. Katy Matthews remembers what it was like to be new to the valley and teaches Abby how to prepare for the winter, lending a hand whenever she can. The only other woman nearby is Molly, Abby’s sister-in-law. As much as Katy helps, Molly hurts, with her nagging, complaints, and jealousy.
Hard work and spiritual closeness bind Abby, Sam and Josh, a twelve-year-old orphan, into a family. A special bond forms between Abby and Josh when he tells her about his family dying in a cabin fire. She draws on her memories of how her mother comforted a childhood friend years before and helps Josh in his grief.
—
Thank you.
I see your point, MLE. Thanks, I appreciate your imput. 🙂 Synopsis writing is HARD!
Women’s fiction:
When Candice takes her husband Ian to the airport for his month-long charity building project overseas, she is facing a possible cancer diagnosis and is swamped at work. When he offers to skip the trip and stay home with her, she refuses to admit that she wants and needs this, and instead convinces him to go.
As she leaves the airport, Candice receives a phone call from her restaurant designer boss informing her that they have a new client. When she arrives at work, she is stunned to see Kegan, her first love, sitting in her boss’s office. They shake hands, and the touch of the man who broke her heart sends shock waves through her.
Working with him every day, Candice is careful to keep Kegan and her memories of their time together at bay, to keep their relationship purely professional. That is, until her doctor calls while she is at Kegan’s restaurant, overwhelming Candice with relief and emotion. Kegan is quick to comfort her, and she gives in to his insistence that they need to celebrate; their amusement park visit is the most fun she’s had in a long time.
Thanks for the great tips. This topic couldn’t come up at a better time!
My Father, My Son – Historical
It’s 1856. Orphaned, Charlie Cooper is forced into an apprenticeship under a heavy-handed blacksmith. He flees Clio, Virginia, vowing to someday return to claim his young sister, Emmeline, from the guardianship of their austere aunt. Penniless, he is befriended by an old trapper, who bequeaths Charlie a treasure map that leads him to the mysterious book of Proverbs.
Charlie throws himself into finding prosperity and riches the only way he knows how, through the words of King Solomon. Proverbs’ repeated instructions to “My son,” chaff Charlie’s soul– his papa abandoned him when he needed him most. He tries to ignore the gnawing desire for a parent’s love, while battling the enmity of rival David Kent. Charlie’s heart longs for the God who is a Father to the fatherless.
Four years later, Charlie learns his papa has returned to Aunt Martha’s. Emmeline pleads with Charlie to come home, but he clings to his anger toward his papa and remains bitter toward Aunt Martha. Finally, the taunting words of Proverbs send him home. As he works to restore his relationship with his papa, words of southern secession put a chill in the air. A business trip into Kentucky turns tragic when they are attacked by Confederate guerrillas, and Charlie’s papa is murdered. The tension between Aunt Martha and Charlie becomes unbearable, as well as the desire to seek vengeance against his papa’s killers. He joins the Union Army, but before leaving he seeks the promise of Big Ed, a family friend, to guard and protect Emmeline. Again vowing to return to claim her.
I planned to take advantage of your offer to critique a few beginning synopses, but applying your advice so far, I see I need to start from scratch on mine.
Looks like I’ll have to embarrass myself some other time (hee, hee).
Pam,
I am also an avid fantasy reader and I expect to run into names that are unusual. Therefore, I do not have difficulty with any of the names you used in your example. My guess would be like yours – that most readers of speculative fiction are comfortable with different names/terms. Perhaps one thing to consider is whether or not you want your work easily accessible to non-fantasy readers?
Your timing on this is perfect for me as I sit down and attempt to cut my 24 page synopsis down to 2. Thanks!
Here’s my attempt at cutting down my synopsis. I still have POV issues (just can’t help getting into their heads), and I’m wondering if I added the spiritual thread too early.
Mystery:
Sixty seconds before going live on the Texas Lyndon University cable show “Archeology Today”, hostess and Archeology Professor, Mari Duggins, learns her first guest is dead. She stumbles through her opening, knowing the casting director at KTXL will be watching. She recovers, but after a practical joke, faints on camera. Humiliated, she believes her chance at her dream job as co-hostess for the network affiliate morning show is ruined.
Mari’s best friend assures her that all things will work together for good and offers to pray with Mari, but Mari refuses. God has never heard her prayers before. Then the casting director at KTXL calls saying she missed the show. Mari can’t believe her luck and entertains the idea that maybe all things will work together for her good.
On her way to class, Mari learns her first guest, Head of Archeology Martin Henderson, might have been murdered. Mari informs the detective that field archaeologist, Fletcher Murdock, was the last one in the green room with Henderson. She doesn’t mention the argument she witnessed before the show between Henderson and fellow archeology professor, Peter Kipling. The two have had a professional rivalry for years, recently fueled by Henderson’s marriage to Kipling’s ex-wife.
These all sound like such interesting novels!
~bonne
A late entry. YA Fantasy.
Shannon Mckay is 15, a gifted high school student living in a rural suburb of Darwin, Australia. Her one ambition to sing professionally is thwarted when she wakes at Nuselmir’s Keep on the world of N’Arth as the unpopular Princess Rhea.
Her mentor, Nuselmir, informs her that she can not go back to Earth, until she has completed her task on N’Arth. He is adamant about one thing – if she dies on N’arth, she dies.
Three assassination attempts fail, on the third the keep is raised to the ground. With the help of the alien Draghelli, Brghyn, Rhea escapes through a secret passageway with an unconscious Nuselmir, a kitchen boy, her maid, and the unconscious Nuselmir. With her life at stake, small decisions and seemingly inconsequential actions now have big consequences.
I don’t know if it’s too late to ask, but as I’m editing my synopsis, I’m finding it’s easier to group things together, sometimes out of order. It doesn’t change the story, but makes it flow better in the synopsis and helps me cut more words. Is this okay to do?
Dear Pam Halter
The base concept of Pam Halter’s Story is awesome. Really Terrific imagination. I really liked the story.
kinjel
These all sound great, so I can’t resist. Here’s another late entry (sorry) but perfect timing… this is four paragraphs, but I have to submit a full one-page ds synopsis (really hard!). Thanks!
***
Endangered (cozy mystery)
After a rash of vicious Main Street vandalisms, MaryJo Windland is fed up and takes security into her own hands in an attempt to catch the hooligans who pillaged her store. Within a week after she installs a security system, the culprits are caught on camera breaking into the bookstore next door, her baseball bat-wielding grandson headlining on the security tape. She is finally realizing the need to focus on her own family’s health and unity, however, when the local high school track star is found dead in the cemetery around the corner.
The local police deputy fixates on MaryJo’s young employee as a prime suspect in the investigation, and she sets her family’s needs aside to protect the girl, despite evidence of the teen’s guilt. In the meantime, her freelance journalist friend prepares a lecture commemorating the town’s Civil War-era founders and draws a mysterious connection between a series of deaths in the area spanning 150 years. Before he can do anything more than collect old newspaper clippings and interview locals about the surrounding mountains, the otherwise healthy man dies suddenly of a heart attack.
On top of everything else, when real estate developers fixate on MaryJo’s beautiful mountain home at the same time as an unwanted newcomer squirms her way into her carefully nurtured social circle, MaryJo is sorely tempted to take the easy way out and run away from home. But her personal problems pale in the face of her friend’s when the woman is arrested for murdering her journalist husband! MaryJo is convinced someone is targeting her through the people she feels closest to, and the only way she can defend herself is to finish uncovering the town’s secrets before she becomes the next victim.
A knock on her door late one evening brings not the attack she expects, but the final piece of the puzzle. MaryJo races across town and barely manages to save not a friend, but her own daughter from attack by a paranoid activist blindly intent on preserving not just the local habitat but the region’s way of life.
Mario, a slave worker on the bleak Planet Monday, has found a way to come through a government-enforced mindwipe unscathed: repeat the Words spoken to him by a mysterious Voice in the night. His colleague Caitlin’s feelings for him result in both being taken from the oat field to the mindwipe satellite, where they unwittingly escape into a space pod and set off as the Voice instructs.
They visit a series of uninhabited planets, finding a lone enemy on the third – his attempts to get rid of Mario and take Caitlin for his wife remain unsuccessful, and the travellers journey on to a tropical planet where they almost fall to temptation. The thunder of the Voice reminds them that this is not their destination.
The sixth planet is a multi-cultural high society that blows their minds, since the founders of Monday colony had racial purity in mind. Mario and Caitlin are shown around some incredible cities and landscapes. Here, they learn about the great King of the seventh planet, and realise he has been calling them all along. They determine to join a pilgrim ship and visit the holy planet.