Last week, I challenged my loyal blog readers to critique the first paragraph in Venessa’s novel. The paragraph is shown below:
“Riverside. 25 Kilometres”
The sign flashed by. No warm homecoming feelings surfaced. Only coldness filled Rik Chandler. Ten years failed to ease the pain this town had inflicted on his life.
He’d sworn he would never set foot here again. Seems fate wasn’t going to let him off the hook. Gossip surrounding one death a decade ago sent him packing; now another death drew him back.
Randy sez: My first comment is that there is only one rule: “Whatever works is whatever works.” For some readers, this paragraph will “work” and for others it won’t. As a writer, you have two goals:
1) Make it work for those readers who will want to read your book.
2) Make it work as well as possible.
I will do no good to write a slam-bang exploding-helicopter type beginning for a literary novel, for example. And it will do no good to write a stunningly evocative and beautiful beginning for a made-for-Bruce-Willis action-adventure kind of novel. Your opening paragraph must fit your novel.
This leads me to Parker’s question:
Do you see a distinction between genre fiction and literary fiction as it relates to how openings should be handled?
Randy sez: Yes. No matter what kind of fiction you write, the beginning should fit it. In Nessie’s case, I don’t think we’re looking at a literary novel. I may be wrong, but that’s what I see. Nessie, go ahead and correct me if I’m mistaken.
A number of my loyal blog readers posted excellent comments and suggestions on Nessie’s paragraph. In my view, there is too much “telling” in her submission and not enough “showing”. I’m not entirely sure how to fix this, since I would need to understand the story better to show how to show it. But Daan’s suggestion was a good one:
“Riverside welcomes you.” Rik Chandler regarded the sign with a wry smile.
His heart missed a few beats. Ten years failed to ease the pain this town had inflicted on me.
He parked his car in front of a drug store and looked at the newspaper headings:
“DAUGHTER OF STEEL TYCOON DIES IN SKI ACCIDENT”
Randy sez: This has the advantage that it shows more than tells, although we can’t be sure if this actually fits Nessie’s story. But I’ll bet it could show more. I would like to bring our character on first. This helps orient us and gives us a focal point for emotive experiences. So consider this a mere suggestion:
Rik Chandler walked past the peeling billboard without looking at it. Ten years ago, it had said, “Riverside welcoms you,” and he was willing to bet nobody in this rathole of a town had noticed the typo yet.
There was a new Starbucks on the corner where Ollivander’s Drugs used to be. Rik’s head was buzzing after driving all night and he desperately needed an infusion.
The chipped old newstand on the sidewalk hadn’t changed, except for the headline:
“DAUGHTER OF STEEL TYCOON DIES IN SKI ACCIDENT”
This brings us to Ginny’s question:
One other question: You say you write a lot of deep inner monologue. How do you keep your pace moving (action) with a lot of deep inner monologue?
Randy sez: Interior monologue is more appropriate to Sequels rather than Scenes, but you can have it in Scenes if you keep it short and blend it well with the action and dialogue. In the snippet I wrote above, you can see traces of interior monologue in paragraphs 1, 2, and 3. Note that phrases like “rathole of a town” and “infusion” are slightly unusual, and they indicate that we are seeing Rik’s thought processes, even if not part of real interior monologue. They let Rik’s personality shine through just a bit.
I have been on a tight deadline for the last week, and that will continue for another couple of weeks, so my blogs during this time will be shorter than usual.
You are not mistaken, Randy. This is not the beginning of a literary novel.
Actually, it’s not really the beginning of my wip either. This paragraph is from the first chapter rather than my prologue.
Thanks for all your comments, everyone. I haven’t looked at this wip for a few years and have only just decided to tackle it again. I’ve learned so much since I started this wip, so I am dreading getting back into it and “fixing” it, but it’s my baby. It needs nurturing. 🙂
Hi Randy
Good luck with the deadline. May I please ask 3 embarrasing questions?
What is a literary novel viz-a-viz novels such as Pillars of the Earth, The Firm, Transgression, etc.?
What is chic(k) lit(erature)?
What is a cy(?) yc(?) novel?
Thank you.
After reading all the other suggestions, I read Daan’s and said, “Yes!” It puts me there and I want to read more.
I like Daan’s as well, but to be picky, I’d have Rik snorting in disgust instead of grinning wryly. My characters tend to grin far too often in the course of a story, so I wouldn’t start it so soon.
Randy’s gives a stronger sense of place and creates a lot more tension. Like the man said, whatever fits whole tone of the novel.
The original interested me, but I thought it could be stronger. Daan’s approach had merit, but felt like a bit of different story to me. BTW, the heart missing a few beats is cliche, and from one who’s had it happen literally I know you begin to lose consciousness and cannot do anything except realize you can hardly breathe. (That’s why I’m not driving until these incidents are resolved.)
So, does Randy’s approach (modeled after Daan’s) fit a literary novel? I do think the men’s versions sound more masculine in voice.
Thank you Pauine, Bonne and Mary. Bonne and the Canadian Connection, I am finally in Vancouver. I will leave for Prince George on Saturday for 5 days and then return to Vancouver until I will return to South Africa on 28 May.
Hi Daan! (waving from Oregon) Welcome to North America! And you’re in my Pacific time zone – I think. Hope you packed for our Spring-to-Summer weather. It closely resembles our Winter-to-Spring weather. And our dead of winter weather. You should come back when it’s hot. I think this year that’ll be August 24th.
Camille
who suspects that ‘rain-turning-to-showers’ for months on end triggers more violent spending sprees than previously reported.
I have been fascinated by this first paragraph critique process. It’s fantastic just to read and I feel like I’ve learned so much; it’s like a free course! It’s made me go back to my own novel opening. I don’t feel I can add any comments that would be of any use quite frankly.
Is this first para critique offer still open, Randy? You are probably inundated with them, so it’s okay if it isn’t. But if so, I’d like to post mine.
P.S. Mary (Hake). I hope your health situation gets better soon. I’ve prayed for it, which is something for me, as I hardly ever pray for anybody but myself!!! I had something similar years ago and I know how frightening it can be, so you have my sympathy. Ann
Thanks, Ann.
I am improving slowly and hope there will be no more setbacks. But, my life resembles my novel writing–forward a step or two, then back to repeat the process.
For Mary: You wrote: “But, my life resembles my novel writing–forward a step or two, then back to repeat the process”. I think you just defined life!
Good luck.
Ann
I liked the first one best. I felt the revisions lost some of the suspense.