I am working on my Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine today, and am taking a few minutes off to blog.
Today is also the day a new online magazine about fiction is launching, and I was asked to write a humor column for it. (Am I qualified to write humor? I have no idea.) The editor asked me to write like Andy Rooney. I decided I didn’t know how to write like Andy, but I could write like Randy. So I wrote an article and it was the absolute most fun I’ve had writing anything in ages.
Check out the results here, in my spoof article titled Three Reasons To Ban All Non-Amish Novels. The editor found it necessary to explain one of my jokes in parentheses, but other than that, the article made it through the gamut unharmed.
OK, I’m going back to work on my e-zine.
For what it’s worth, I would have gotten the “all your base are belong to us” reference without the parenthetical explanation. And I have an upcoming source – my friend is starting her residency in Lancaster. Do I hear Amish medical drama?
Whether you aimed or not, you scored an Andy-ish tone, Randy. I think it’s the tongue planted firmly in the cheek that gives that sound. Well done. And stinkin funny too, gosh darn it.
Count me in, Beverly, I’m ready. Time to pull out that draft of ‘Pennsylvania Pirates of the Potomac’ I’ve been saving.
Randy, you are qualified to write humor.
Thanks Randy for the laugh and the link to a site I’ve now added to my favorites…
🙂
“What she said…” (Karen – on the laugh and the link)
Speaking of Amish, has anyone read James Michener’s THE NOVEL set in Amish country? It’s one of my favorites. Shorter than most of his works (!) and an intriguing look at the writer’s life.
Thanks for the laughs, Randy. I’m glad you’re doing this column, and can’t wait to read the rest of the magazine.
Ohmigosh!!! I loved it. But you knew we would. I went straight to the site when Michelle announced the magazine went live. It’s so much more than she promised. I think my article is coming out in September. Yay!
From Chile to Minneapolis is a long way, but I’m looking forward to meeting you in person in September. My work doesn’t allow me to leave comments, but I keep up on the blog entries. Thanks for investing time in us.
Randy,
I’m not surprised that you were asked to write the humor column – or that you did it so well. We see that side of you all the time in your Ezine.
Nice job, Rooney.
Best chuckle I’ve had all day. I confess. I love Amish novels.
That was incredible! I had to write a “working definition of Christian fiction” for Christian Writer’s Guild awhile back. I wish I would have thought of that. The best I could come up with was:
Christian fiction is a display of pseudo-reality, with inoffensive character behavior. Create an environment where sensitive moral and ethical issues are obscurely revealed through action and consequence. Present the truth and victory through Jesus Christ.
Nice job!
Great article, Randy! Thanks for the chuckle!
Maybe I should make a slight change of characters in my current novel effort… Do you think I can put an Amish colony on the moon?
Very good, Randy.
Ever thought of an Amish time-travel novel? That could be fun!
Your article made my morning!
I’ve always considered you a humor writer in disguise. When your Advanced Fiction Newsletter shows up in my inbox I laugh myself silly half the time.
Okay, back to my Amaish Manga novel.
Amy, why not an Amish colony on the moon? You’d have to think of a non-technological way to get them there — perhaps by thought transportation?
Nick, how would we know if the Amish traveled back in time?
They’d still be and look the same. However, traveling forward…
Thanks for the laugh! I look forward to your next column.
Here all I thought I had to do was just master MRUs. Now I gotta join the Amish. Give up my jeans for dresses that will make my rear look big. The hat’s OK, covers up my hair when I have a bad hair day…..
At least if I make my sheriff Amish I don’t have to explain why the five-minute DNA tests don’t solve the murder in the first five pages….
I loved the article, got ALL the jokes, and can’t wait to write an Amish vampire novel. (Do you suppose John Olson would like to take a crack at that one?) Thanks for the thought-provoking giggles!
Well done, Randy. It was a great read.
I read it yesterday and smiled the whole way through.
I read The Novel by James Michener. It was different and very interesting. I enjoyed it a lot … and I still crave that rice pudding with the golden, cripsy top! 🙂
Wow. Amish vampires… you wouldn’t believe the ideas that are jumping through my head after reading those two words!
Sorry to burst your bubble–but some Amish do have cell phones. (They don’t use electricity.)
Randy sez: What do they use? Strings and tin cans? A cell phone that doesn’t use electricity is a contradiction in terms. Ah, the endless power of self-deception… Maybe I can squeeze another column out by pontificating on that??? Oh, the possibilities are endless.
Lois, if the Amish travelled back in time, say a 1000 years, suddenly they would start looking very much ahead of time, and with advanced technology.
Hi Randy,
Enjoyed your Amish novel piece.
Over here in Australia there is a Christian author, Kel Richards, who has a series of murder mysteries set in first century Holy Land, complete with camels, desert wells, the occasional BMW, cell phones, and pizza. joints. They are great fun to read and he somehow handles the whole mess of togas and telephones very well.
‘especially since we can kill as many people as we want, as violently as we want, as graphically as we want.’
Gotta laugh even louder at that one!
I wonder if I can get a grant to go to the US and stay on an Amish community..
A lateral thought from Lassie. Skippy the Bush Kangaroo would carry a cell phone in her pouch – save a lot of bounding around.
Ahh Skippy. A blast from my childhood. That distinctive whistle is echoing around in my memory banks…
If anyone could get a grant for that, it would be you yeggy. Take me with you?
Then I can get on with better writing my Amish Aussie convict novel…at least the whole, no electricity or modern conveniences thing would match up!
8)
Fabulous! Comment on the Amish time-travel idea- too confusing. How would you tell if you had gone back in time?
Love the part about being preachy. That’s a hard nut to crack in the non-Amish world.
Keep up the controlled insanity!
Jenny
Where can we find this new online magazine, Randy?
Hey Randy – I just noticed that editor took out the parenthetical explanation of your barn joke. She must’ve caught some flack from the geeks who wanted to keep one cool inside joke to themselves.
Julie: click on the link in his article title (Three Reasons To Ban All Non-Amish Novels) above.
I’m going to write an episode of Dr. Who with an Amish sidekick.
All your TARDIS are belong to us!
LOL article.
It seems that Francine Rivers pushed the line on the bedroom scenes in Redeeming Love and won. Any comments?
You’re a complete Loon Randy – thanks for the laughs! It didn’t matter that I don’t know who Andy Rooney is, (being English and all that). Maybe he’s related to Mickey Rooney.
The good news is I’ve just got back on line after France Telecom in its great mysterious wisdom, cut off my phone line and ADSL on 31st May and still haven’t reconnected me, depite my daily rants via my mobile to their ‘help line’! So I have a new ISP and will be re-signing up with you soon under a new email address when I have one.
The bad news is that I have missed out on all your no-doubt brilliant stuff on MRUs, but will enjoy catching up on it all.
Best news: thanks to your Snowflake Method, my novel is coming along a treat. It’s in a folder and 2 inches thick at present! Thank you for Snowflake!
Ann Isik
What, that was humor? Man, better go delete my new Amish in Space proposal!
Nice read, Randy. You obviously have some hidden talents 😉
On another note, I have an amazing idea for a novel. I’ve been doing some research and as far as I know, nobody has come up with this and put it down into book-form so far. Unfortunately, it is not in my genre and I’m really trying to stick to my brand. Is there such a thing as selling an idea for a novel? Or would I have to work it out into a synopsis before being able to sell it? Or is it destined to collect dust in my drawer until someone else thinks of it and writes the book?
Hi Randy,
I am (obviously) an aspiring author, but I am running into issues of a more basic level than that typically covered in your e-zine- namely, I am not sure exactly how to begin fleshing out the ideas
that I have into more cohesive concepts that I can actually work with. I may have a cool idea for a great character, or setting, or maybe even a plot premise, but the problem is, once I get to that
point, I find myself unsure of how to proceed.
Could you discuss some of the ways that you approach
literature design, maybe even pre-snowflake method?
Thanks.
Good morning:
I am learning greatly from your snowflake method, however during the characterization summaries, I ran into one signifant issue. Era. How do I know which “time in era” to use? Would that be based on the storyline as a whole or can I just make up the birthdate for my characters? Thx for answering.
Any suggestions from other readers would be great.